The Warrior Campaign

Meet Laura...

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕟 𝕕𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 ℂ𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕘𝕟?

Infertility and loss are incredibly intimate topics and not often discussed publicly. Many women/couples suffer in silence and I’d like to think sharing my own story might help to change that. If by chance there is a woman reading this who is struggling with the same things I did, I want her to know she isn’t alone.

𝕂𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕝𝕪 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 "𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪" 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖 𝕚𝕟𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕖.

I am 1 in 8 women who has struggled with infertility and 1 in 4 who has experienced loss. My husband and I decided we were ready to start a family about two years after we got married. We tried to conceive for a year naturally. I didn’t expect it to happen right away but I thought maybe three months tops. Three months turned into six, six into twelve. Twelve months of negative pregnancy tests. Twelve months of watching what seemed like everyone around me get pregnant. Twelve months of wondering what I was doing wrong. Side note: I think society spends so much time trying to prevent "unwanted" pregnancies that no one takes the time to explain to any woman of child-bearing age that there's a chance they might struggle. No one prepares you for that and it was very alarming. I was trying everything I could think of - supplements, acupuncture, every old wives tale in the book. Still, Aunt Flo came right on time every month. How nice of her.

We decided to seek the help of a reproductive endocrinologist, commonly referred to as a fertility specialist. Even then, I was naïve enough to think that one round of meds would do the trick. Maybe a little shot of estrogen or something. Wrong-o. The “or something” turned into ten more months of weekly doctors appointments (sometimes twice or three times a week), too many rounds of bloodwork to count, medication, more medication, countless ultrasounds, 4 failed IUIs (with a few cancelled cycles in between) and one chemical pregnancy. I was stressed, anxious, at times very moody because of all the hormones and exhausted. Our 5th IUI gave us our miracle. After almost two years, I finally saw two pink lines.

Our infertility was/still is considered “unexplained’, meaning after lots of testing there was nothing “wrong” with either of us. I don’t have PCOS. I have no signs or symptoms of endometriosis. I had very regular cycles prior to trying to conceive. I’m generally a pretty healthy person in terms of diet and exercise. There is no family history of infertility in either of our families. My body just wasn’t doing what it was biologically designed to do. I like to think if I had a diagnosis to connect to, some sort of explanation for what was happening, it would have been easier to deal with. Maybe not. Who knows.

Pregnancy after infertility wasn’t sunshine and rainbows for me. When I first found out we were finally pregnant, I didn’t jump for joy. I didn’t think of a million cute ways to tell my husband. I didn’t spend hours on Pinterest thinking about how we were going to tell our families and friends. I was terrified. We found out I was carrying twins at just 5 weeks. We saw their heats beating at 6 weeks. We heard their hearts beating at 7 weeks. At 8 weeks, there was only one baby. We faced the gut wrenching reality that we had lost one of our miracles. The next several weeks were filled with intense anxiety and fear that something else would go wrong. I also experienced immense guilt that I was pregnant and other women going through this journey still weren’t. I didn’t want to think about my pregnancy or say the words “I’m pregnant” out loud. I cried all the time.

I am lucky enough to be surrounded by the most supportive family and some amazing friends who let me grieve but also never missed an opportunity to tell me how happy they were for us and gently encouraged me to celebrate this amazing time in my life. I also happen to be pregnant as the same time as my sister (she is due the day before me!) which has been wildly exciting for my family. I slowly began to allow myself to enjoy being pregnant. As I sit here and type this I am 34 weeks pregnant with our son or daughter (we have chosen to not find out the gender until birth) and I have not taken one single moment for granted. Every baby movement I feel makes me smile. Spending time getting the nursery ready brings me peace. Infertility will always be a part of me. I will always feel the heartbreak of losing one of our babies. But I cannot wait to start this next chapter of our lives with our sweet babe.

ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕕𝕚𝕕 𝕚𝕥 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕙 𝕒 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖?

I don’t think I’m totally in what I would consider a healing place yet and I’m not sure how long it will take to get there. Pregnancy after infertility hasn't been easy for me and didn’t automatically mean I was in a better place emotionally. I will say that the more people I share my story with, the more peace I find both within myself and with this journey.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕡𝕖𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕝 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪? 𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕠𝕨?

My absolute rock star of a husband who was going through it right alongside me and was still able to be a huge emotional support for me. My family and a few friends who knew what I was going through. And I have a close friend who was going through similar things. It definitely helped having her to lean on and vent to. No one really understands you quite like a person who has experienced the same things you have. I also recently started seeing a therapist which was a huge step for me personally but has been helping immensely.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡?

Healing isn't linear. You're going to have a few bad days sprinkled in with the good ones and that's okay. No matter what you’re going through in life, you’re never alone and it’s okay to lean on people in whatever way you’re comfortable with. It's okay to ask for some space if that's what you need at the time. I think it's also important for anyone struggling with infertility to remember that your spouse/partner is also going through it with you. Try not to hide your feelings from them until you lose your shit and leave them wondering what they did wrong. You’re on the same team!

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕚𝕤 𝕘𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕒 𝕤𝕚𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕒𝕣 𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕦𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟?

Ask how they’re doing. Tell them you’re thinking about them. Maybe buy them a coffee. A simple “hello” call/text can mean a lot to someone who feels like their world is crashing down around them.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕤 𝕒 𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕦𝕝𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖?

Infertility definitely strengthened my relationship with my husband. I also think I'm a way more patient, understanding and empathetic person than I was before. And most importantly: Baby Edwards is due to arrive so soon!