The Warrior Campaign

Meet Abby...

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕟 𝕕𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 ℂ𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕘𝕟?

I struggled for years to tell my story and once I finally became comfortable, I found that it was so helpful for me to share as well as for others to hear. It's important to not feel alone and I think that's the most powerful thing that sharing our traumas with one another helps understand.

𝕂𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕝𝕪 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 "𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪" 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖 𝕚𝕟𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕖.

About 3 years into what I would consider my "fitness journey" I walked into my gym and fell into my trainer's arms bawling. I had finally admitted that I was struggling. That the smiles were fake (I was hangry and fucking miserable). That my energy was gone. That I hadn't been eating for months. That when I did eat I would binge. That I was forcing myself to throw up 6-7 days a week. That I was in severe pain, and willingly harming myself. That my friend's and family's unaware admiration were causing me to become addicted. That the mental illness with the highest mortality rate, was taking over my life. It was the darkest place I had ever been. Food and exercise were my every thought and dictated my every move. I hated myself in every aspect and nobody knew.

Upon telling my trainer he connected me with the best therapist I could have ever asked for. We worked together weekly, while my trainer closely monitored my nutrition and exercise. I wish I could say healing happened fast. Although I was seeing a therapist and more people were aware of my mental illness, I continued not to eat, binge, throw up, and hate who I was. I found telling people made it a little easier. I slowly started telling people close to me. I'll never forget the night I told two of my best friends. We were laying in my bedroom and I nonchalantly told them. I giggled and tried to make it a light conversation, and when I looked over my friend was in tears. It was that moment, and she probably still doesn't know this, that I realized this was serious, and I had to stop wanting to hurt myself. But I craved it. I wanted the body aches. The bloody throats. The legitimate conversations between myself and ED (That's what I call the side of me who allows the eating disorder to win). The pain. One time I even choked on a pen. I loved it all, and although my therapist and trainer were helping a tremendous amount, that night when my friend started crying over something I tried to make fun of, I realized it was time to fucking beat this asshole disorder inside my head.

I continued to work weekly with my therapist. Her support is something I can never find the words to explain. She helped me realize my triggers, understand my irrational thoughts, fight back with them, and express my emotions. Additionally I had some internal problems because of the disorder and she hooked me up with some of the best doctors around. It took years of weekly therapy and doctors visits, but I can proudly say I am now 40lbs heavier, with no internal organ issues, and only meeting with my therapist once a month. And although I am proud to say that, I know this fight isn't over and I know it probably never will be. At least once a day I want to stop eating, at least once a week I want to make myself throw up, and at least every other day I want to over exercise to "get myself back on track".

I think stories like these are important because there's a little piece of ED in all of us. The little girl who wants to wear a t-shirt over her bathing suit because her belly is bigger than her friends. The person who's standing in front of their fridge eating, and can't get themselves to stop. The collegiate athlete who is being told they need to lose weight to be better. Every damn person on social media looking at "perfect" humans thinking they're real, and wanting to be like them. It's in us all and those thoughts are okay to have. But what we can't do is let those thought win. Beat those thoughts. Healthy not perfect.

ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕕𝕚𝕕 𝕚𝕥 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕙 𝕒 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖?

I'm not sure I am healed. Like I said above I have thoughts of relapsing daily/weekly. I think the most important part about overcoming a mental illness, is understanding that it may not go away, but you sure as hell can learn how to live with it and beat it.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕠𝕣 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕙𝕖𝕝𝕡𝕖𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕝 𝕒𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕨𝕒𝕪? 𝔸𝕟𝕕 𝕙𝕠𝕨?

Chris Tybor: Personal trainer who connected me with my therapist and constantly supports me and give me the tough love I need. Shereen Bulbulia: The best therapist in the history of therapists. I can't thank her enough. My friends and family: For supporting me and understanding they don't understand.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡?

I'm never alone. I have the greatest support system I could have ever asked for. And although many people who are close to me, don't understand why I do/did it, there are many people out there who do understand and struggle in the same way.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕚𝕤 𝕘𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕒 𝕤𝕚𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕒𝕣 𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕦𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟?

Be forward and ask how you can help. Understand that you'll probably never understand why they self-harm.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕤 𝕒 𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕦𝕝𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖?

I love teaching my niece and nephew to love themselves and choose strength and health over weight. It breaks my heart when I hear people talking about other people's weight when they are around to hear it. I always make a point of explaining to them that there is not "right" way to look, and as long as you focus on being healthy you're awesome the way you are.