The Warrior Campaign

Meet Nicole...

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕕 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕚𝕟 𝕕𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 ℂ𝕒𝕞𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕘𝕟?
I wanted to share my story on how I was able to find self-love and worth after feeling abandoned by my father.

𝕂𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕝𝕪 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕚𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 "𝕤𝕥𝕠𝕣𝕪" 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕠𝕟𝕝𝕪 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖 𝕚𝕟𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕨𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕖.
When I was a little girl I was a daddy’s girl. I loved to do everything with him and be with him. I pictured him walking me down the aisle and dancing to our father-daughter dance but, that dream never happened.

My jr. Year of high school my dad went back to Lebanon, where he is from, and got married. He brought his new wife home and shortly after she became pregnant. Once they had the baby it felt like everything changed. My brother Caesar and I no longer felt welcome in the home.

I still remember one time that my dad's wife's family was in town. I came over to visit and everyone around me was speaking Arabic (which I do not know) and I felt so uncomfortable that I left. It wasn't until an hour later my dad called to see where I went in which I explained how it was uncomfortable to me not knowing what was being said and feeling ignored. After that situation everything was different. I felt no longer welcomed or wanted.

As the months went on communication lessoned and we didn’t go around much. I felt like I was no longer part of his family and he only cared about his wife and baby. My dad never called me on my birthday, never called my brother on his birthday, or really never called just to see how we were doing.

In 2008, I became pregnant with my son, and that December I went into preterm labor. My dad knew but never reached out and did not come to see me until the day I delivered my baby and did not make an effort to meet my son's father Greg or Greg's parents. My son also needed emergency, life-saving surgery on Xmas day, my dad never came. My dad was never there when he should have been. My dad never made contact, never tried. When I was engaged to be married he never reached out to express interest in coming to the wedding.

At that point in my life, I was dealing with abandonment issues. My husband was a saint. He dealt with all my breakdowns and my questioning of why I was not good enough and why my father didn’t want me or my family. As a young woman and mother, you need both of your parents in your life to help guide you and help you navigate through those tough times. The one person I thought would always be there for me wasn’t. My heart was broken.

As time went on there has been very little contact and when there is it is because I have reached out to him My father has missed many birthdays, watching my son grow into the amazing human he is, and he missed watching me become a mom, wife, President of a volunteer organization, and a village trustee. All things I am so proud of.

I realized I needed to work through all of the emotions I had. I needed to come to a place of healing. I had to work on those feelings of abandonment, not feeling good enough for anyone, and questioning why I wasn’t worthy of love. In turn, I realized I can not change how someone thinks and I can't focus on the past. The past did play a big part in who I am but it also helped me realize who I wanted to be as a parent.

I have come to realize I will not have a relationship with my dad like I want and does it bother me? It sure does, but I cannot control anyone else's thoughts besides my own, and I have come to peace with that.

I am going to leave this story off with a verse from the song "Piece by Piece" Kelly Clarkson wrote about her father which expresses exactly how I feel:

Piece by piece, I fell far from the tree
I will never leave her(him) like you left me
And she (he) will never have to wonder her worth
Because unlike you, I'm gonna put her (him) first and you know
He'll never walk away
He'll never break her (his) heart
He'll take care of things, he'll love her(him)
Piece by piece, he restored my faith
That a man can be kind and the father should be great

ℍ𝕠𝕨 𝕝𝕠𝕟𝕘 𝕕𝕚𝕕 𝕚𝕥 𝕥𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕥𝕠 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕙 𝕒 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕔𝕖?
Honestly, it took until 2020- almost 16 years, to get to this place of peace. Of course, there are days I struggle, mostly because I don’t have the relationship with my half-sister that I wish I could.
What or who helped you heal along the way? And how?
My husband was and will always be my biggest supporter. He is the one who showed me what love is. He showed me what a good father should be and he will always take care of me. He has lifted me up when I was at my lowest of lows and had so much patience with me during all of my struggles. I, of course, will never forget what my mom did for me and still does for me. Every single time I cried or got upset about anything that involved my father she was the first one I would call. She is the most amazing woman and the best mom I could ever ask for. She is the reason I am as strong as I am today. My father-in-law has treated me as one of his own- in some ways he understands my struggles. Tim showed me what a great father is and what a great dad is. I don’t think he will ever know how much I value him.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕚𝕟𝕘𝕝𝕖 𝕞𝕠𝕤𝕥 𝕚𝕞𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕝𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕠𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕝𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕗𝕣𝕠𝕞 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕕𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕡?
Forgiving someone isn’t for them, it is for you and helps you find peace within yourself.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕓𝕖𝕤𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕪 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕦𝕡𝕡𝕠𝕣𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕚𝕤 𝕘𝕠𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕙𝕣𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙 𝕒 𝕤𝕚𝕞𝕚𝕝𝕒𝕣 𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕦𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟?
Be there for them when they are struggling, not having a parent in your life is a very emotional experience to go through. Support them and encourage them to seek therapy or other ways to help them get to a place of healing.

𝕎𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕤 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕚𝕥𝕚𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕖𝕞𝕖𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕤 𝕒 𝕣𝕖𝕤𝕦𝕝𝕥 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕖𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖?
I learned to really love myself and be true to who I am. In the end, I learned to be the parent Gregory deserves.

HMUA: Kamerin Litten